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in print, in art, the miracle cure, the balm of life, the essential quality of the human spirit.
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Laughing really does Matter
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PrizewinningBits of Wit
There are two things that are important in politics. The first is money, and I can't remember what the second one is. Mark Hanna, Ohio Republican, 1895
What we want is a story that starts with an eathquake and works its way up to a climax. Sam Goldwyn
After eight thousand unsuccessful experiments on a nickel-iron storage battery:
Well, at least we know eight thousand things that won't work. Thomas Alva Edison
I'm glad the old masters are all dead, and I only wish they had died sooner. Mark Twain
He had the sort of face that, once seen, is never remembered. Oscar Wilde
Bachelor: A man who comes to work each morning from a different direction. Sholem Aleichem
I got all the schooling any actress needs, that is, I learned to write well enough to sign contracts. Hermione Gingold
Long experience has taught me that in England nobody goes to the theatre unless he or she has bronchitis. James Agate
He is so mean, he won't let his little baby have more than one measle at a time. Eugene Field
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. Jackie Mason
and . . . some more new definitions:
Bred: One brought up with a good attitude towards grains.
Butt: A conditional rear-end.
Catastrophe: When a cat displays good grammar.
Lexpionage: The sleuthing of new words and phrases.
Gambling: What is it that makes a normal adult throw money away on a number or a color? What special attraction lies at the heart of casino gambling. Read on, despite the odds.
In honor of St. Valentine’s Day, consider this tale of a first date from hell. Don’t blame me if you don’t find it fun, for I who lived the experience, didn’t either! Read on, if you dare.
Do you believe it's almost that time of year again? Just when you thought you forgot about all that special tension and stress the holidays can bring, there they are, right smack in your face. Read on for one way to cope with them, albeit with a laugh or two in the process.
It is said there is a right and a wrong way to carve a pumpkin. Tried and true methods have come down to us through the ages but innovative mistakes seem to crop up every year. Read on and learn what to avoid this time; that is, if you dare!
Where would all of us be without our fathers? How did honoring their place in our lives begin? Read on for some answers and possibly, a new respect for the issue.
How did the tradition of celebrating Memorial Day begin? Who were the first to do it and why is that still a moot point after all of these years? Read on to learn more about this important American holiday tradition.
When did Mother's day become a national holiday? Do we really appreciate the women who brought all of us into the world? Read on for the truth as viewed by a humble opinion.
Why do we celebrate St. Patrick's Day and what does the color green have to do with it? Learn all about this fascinating tradition, even if you don't like the color green.
Do other cultures celebrate the new year differently or are we all more similar than we think? Read on and learn about some interesting holiday traditions, even if you don't feel like celebrating anything at all.
Humorous News items from around the World
TWO DOGS GET MARRIED! Clinton, Michigan (Detroit Free Press)
Two dogs have got married in front of 70 guests in a £700 ceremony in the US.
Two-year-old Bobby married Gracie, who's three, in their hometown of Clinton Township, Michigan, reports the Detroit Free Press.
Susan Laurer, 79, the owner of the groom, gave Bobby away to Gracie's owners, neighbours Frank and Cyndi Parise.
She said: "Bobby loved Gracie at first sight. Now they play together, walk together and fight together."
Bobby wore a top hat, black tuxedo and red bowtie, while Gracie, her nails painted pink, sauntered down the aisle in a puffy white gown.
"We are gathered here today," said Pastor Joseph DeRose of Evangel Christian Church in Roseville, "to celebrate the joining of the paws of Bobbie and Gracie on this beautiful Sunday."
After some brief remarks, DeRose announced: "Now I introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Bobby and Gracie Laurer."
During the reception that followed, the newlyweds dug into a two-tiered, bone-shaped cake with a pink heart in the centre.
Eavesdroppings, or "Did you hear that?" Questions put to a park ranger at Carlsbad Caverns National Park:
"How much of the cave is underground?"
"So what's in the unexplored part of the cave?"
"Does it ever rain in here?" "So what is this . . . just a hole in the ground?"
Bits of Wit
from around the World
"Did you hear that?"
